Chapter Text
When Venna was eight years old she was struck by lightning.
She survived, obviously, but the short stay in the hospital was awfully dull and boring since the girl was not allowed to do anything but rest. So, Venna decided to sleep her time away.
This was how she met him for the first time. In a dream.
He was a boy, maybe two or three years older than her, with this crazy, silver hair and strange outfit. In the dream Venna was busy walking around a large clearing in the woods, when, out of nowhere, this boy stood there.
"What are you doing here? State your business." His voice was hard and cold. Much colder than any kid should sound like, but her dumb ass didn't think too much about it.
"I am walking. You?"
"I don't have to tell you! Where are you from?" His eyes narrowed when the girl crossed her arms and gave a poor excuse of a glare Venna saw her mother do.
"You are very rude, you know that?"
"I asked you a question." He came a few steps closer and anyone with a bit more self-preservation or knowledge about aggressive behaviour would have noted his offensive posture.
"And I didn't answer it," Venna said defiantly, feeling so very much in the right.
Then the boy reached her and broke her wrist with one movement.
The girl fell to the ground, cradled her arm and called out to her mother, sobbing and crying like the small child she was.
The boy took a few steps back, shocked at the strong, vulnerable reaction of the girl now crying for her parents. Did he misjudge a civilian for an enemy ninja?
But he was still at home in Konoha, how did he end up here? His test to break a gen-jutsu failed, but there had to an explanation to why he was out in the woods with a complete stranger.
The girl was still crying out in pain and slowly he started to feel bad for acting so fast without any information about her person. But who would judge him? On a mission you either act first or you get killed.
"Hey- look…" he started slowly, but when the child looked up with wide, fearful eyes, he knew he'd royally f*cked up.
"This was an accident, okay? You did not identify yourself, so, why wouldn't I think you are an enemy?" The explanation made his actions sound reasonable, but little did it help the girl with her broken wrist.
"Let me have a look at it. Maybe my teammate can fix this," he said and reached out to her. The girl quickly crawled away from him and her crying became more hysterical.
"Wait," he tried again and followed, but the moment she pulled herself into the bushes, the girl was gone.
The boy checked his surroundings multiple times and went back to the bushes she went through often enough to know the plants inside-out, but the girl was gone.
Then, he noticed something else. He couldn't leave. No matter how long he went into one direction, the clearing was where he ended up again.
For hours he sat at the base of a tree, waiting for something to happen or the girl to come back, maybe with angered parents this time, but he was alone. Like always, the whole time.
.
Venna woke up in the white, clean hospital bed with a hand shaking her shoulder. On instinct, she flinched away and looked up at the worried face of a young nurse.
"Hey, sweetie. It was just a bad dream. You were asleep. Whatever you dreamed about, it is gone." Soft hands helped the girl up and the nurse decided to take a minute and sit by the girl, cradling her arm.
"I- I- I-, he broke my hand," she stuttered and started crying again. Two arms embraced Venna and soft shushing noises filled the room next to sweet, calming words until the girl stopped crying again.
"Who broke your wrist? Someone in your dream?"
"A- I- yes. The boy."
"What boy, sweetie?"
"A boy with silver hair and a mask."
.
Venna managed to stay awake the rest of the night, too scared to go back to sleep and possibly seeing the boy again.
The young nurse informed her parents about the nightmare as soon as they entered the children's station of the hospital and the worried faces of her mama and papa greeted Venna at her bed.
"Venna, my dear, I heard you had a bad night?" her mum combed the wild hair with her fingers and listened to her daughter's tale about a masked boy in the woods breaking her child's wrist after asking strange questions and the apology for mistaking the small girl for his enemy.
What on earth was her daughter reading or watching to get such violent ideas?!
The most difficult thing was getting Venna to sleep. Tired, bloodshot eyes looked up at the married couple and Venna reached out to her father with her arms.
"Papa, pick me up." The small, hurt voice of his daughter made the man hug her tightly and Venna cried once again. Surely his daughter's tear must know a limit, right? Rocking back and forth, he just held the shaking body for as long as the girl needed him to.
After noon Venna finally managed to accept that it was just a bad dream and nothing to be afraid of.
"Peter, darling, be so kind and get the CD-Player for us. Maybe an audio-book makes her take a nap." Peter, the devoted husband he was, quickly did as his wife suggested and a minute later the Grimm's tales filled the room.
With hawk eyes did the couple watch their daughter's green ones close again and again, her conscience drifting to sleep with every sentence of the narrator.
"Mama," came the whiny voice of the girl in the bed. "What if I see him again?"
"Then you try and talk to him. He apologised, right? So, he feels bad for what he did and tried to help you. Maybe he was just as afraid of you as you are of him now?"
Peter gave his wife a light pat of the shoulder. He would not have come to the idea of making the boy seem harmless with a simple sentence or what he was, just a boy in her dream.
But the couple silently celebrated too early, because not five minutes later did their daughter wake up again and demand to stay awake, boy in her dream or not. The whole day Venna was cranky, refused to close her eyes for another minute and she made life a bit more difficult.
In the evening, the light medication Venna had to take also contained a sleeping pill for children, a request of her parents.
Struck by lightning, nightmares or whatever - the child needed sleep.
Around eight pm, the sleeping pill started working and with too little energy to protest, Venna drifted off.
.
Tossing and turning in his bed, the Chunin groaned and pressed his face into the pillow.
To say Kakashi was anxious about sleeping had to be a complete overstatement. He might have had a twinge of conscience when he finally woke up in the morning to just break a girl's wrist.
But that was it. Kakashi was over this incidence. He did apologise after all. And karma repaid his crime by hounding Obito on him. The Uchiha boy made them wait even longer today with a worse excuse than ever and they only got the stupid missions left. Minato silently had a field day, when they had to pull weeds for 'teamwork'.
The day finally was over now. Kakashi just had to go to sleep and everything was great. The girl from his dream would not be there again, because that's all she was, a dream.
After some breathing exercises, meditation, relaxation practices, and a glass of water Kakashi finally felt his body become heavy with sleep. Good, because he really needed some.
This was the last thought Kakashi had before he stood on the same clearing as he did the night before. There was neither sun nor moon but is was bright enough for a late morning once again.
And there she sat. The girl. Kakashi wanted to pull his hair out.
Of course, she'd be there again. And maybe tonight something else would go wrong. Would he break her arm by tripping over his feet? Accidentally blow her up with a jutsu? Break her neck this time by just looking at her?
.
Venna was busy plucking grass and piling it up out of boredom, when she noticed someone standing some distance away from her.
Slowly turning her head, the girl saw the masked boy again and jumped up with a shriek, ready to run away. But she didn't, because Venna tripped over a tree root and landed face first on the ground.
A curse from behind her was everything Venna heard before two hands grabbed her arms and pulled her from the ground.
The boy kneeled next to her and moved very slowly, like he was handling a frightened animal, or unsure what to do.
Venna was ready to try escape number two, when her mother's words came to her mind.
Try and talk to him. He apologised, right? So, he feels bad for what he did and tried to help you.
"Hello," Venna quietly mumbled, causing the boy to nearly jump into the air.
"… Hello," came the reply after a short silence. Venna slowly looked into the boy's face and kept reminding herself that he had apologised.
"My name is Venna. What is yours?" The boy looked at her like a cow, not really knowing how to react. "It is cures- courtesy to introduce yourself."
His mind seemed to work again.
"Hatake Kakashi."
"You have a strange name."
"Like yours is any better," was the quick reply, but Venna was too busy thinking about his name.
"Hatake… I never heard that name before. Does it mean anything?"
"People usually know my name. Hatake means something like cropland." This earned the boy a weirded-out look.
"Do your parent hate you?" Kakashi nearly chocked on his spit.
"W-what?!"
"Why would someone call their child cropland?"
"That's my family name, stupid."
"But you said it first. You are rude."
"Of course, I said my clan name first."
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why?"
"Why did you say your family name first and your first name second then you are supposed to say your family name? … Woah, that sounds confusing."
Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a long sigh. That girl was a dunce.
"Look. My first name is Kakashi, but you always say your family or clan's name first when you introduce yourself."
"I don't."
"You just said your first name, of course you didn't."
"Well, my name is Venna Meschnik. Happy?"
"What kind of name is that?"
"Mine."
"Aha… so, does it mean something?"
"Yeah."
"…"
"But I forgot." Kakashi was ready to give up on their conversation.
"Why did you break my hand yesterday?"
"What?"
"Why. Did. You. Break. My. Hand. Yesterday."
"I understood you. Your question just surprised me."
"So?" Kakashi scratched his neck and avoided looking Venna in her eyes.
"I thought you were an enemy."
"You said that yesterday, but you shouldn't just hurt others, even if you don't like each other. Mama says good children shouldn't be mean."
"Oh, and what makes you think I am a good child?" The sarcasm in the boy's voice was lost to the girl. He had broken one of her bones one minute into their meeting. How did she come to the conclusion he was anywhere good?
"You apologised and wanted to help me."
Kakashi kept silent and blinked a few times.
"I broke your wrist."
"And you apologised. It was only a dream after all. Mama said so and Papa said you could have thought I was a bad person and protected yourself. And we are talking now. Would a bad child do that?"
Big, round eyes looked up at the Chunin with such certainty, Kakashi decided to keep the lecture about manipulation and façades for another time.
"I guess not." His answer sounded bored, not at all convinced, but the girl bought it with a strong nod.
"Good. Now that we are friends, we can play."
"Wha- no."
"Why not, Kashaki?"
"Kakashi. My name in Ka-ka-shi."
"I said that."
Kakashi was about to say "Did not", but his pride as a shinobi could not survive the childish nature of such reply.
"Just because I apologised and didn't break another of your bones, doesn't mean we are friends now."
"Oh, are you still afraid of me?" Kakashi chocked on air.
"How did you get that idea? I am afraid of nobody. You are just a child." This earned him the tilt of a head and a look that screamed non-sense.
"Of course, but you are a child, too. And everybody is afraid of something."
"Well, I am not." Kakashi crossed his arms.
"I am, of lightning," she admitted easily.
"Lightning? And stormy night, too?" Again, the mockery was not noticed by the girl.
"No, just lightning. I was struck by one three days ago."
"… oh."
"Yeah, but I live. Not like Frankenstein's monster, because I was not dead."
"Wha- Who?"
"Frankenstein's monster. He was put together by Frankenstein the crazy scientist, and with lightning the monster came to life. Remember the story now?"
"No."
"You are strange." Kakashi just raised an eyebrow.
"Coming from you, this really hurts."
"Don't worry, the pain should go away soon, because I meant it in a nice way."
"Aha."
The Chunin had no idea how he should talk with the girl or behave. Kakashi was used to short instructions, being admired by his peers and fighting. Nothing of this happened here.
The girl didn't know his name or who he was, she clearly could not fight, and sure as hell would Kakashi not take orders from the brat.
"I take it you are a civilian."
"I am a what?"
"A civilian. Not a ninja." The girl frowned in confusion.
"Why would I be a ninja?"
"Exactly. This means you are a civilian." Somewhere in his mind, Kakashi was amused by this dream. This girl was so very simple and honest, it nearly hurt him. No child their age was this clueless about the world. So, why would Kakashi's mind produce such a person?
"Are you one, too?"
"I am a ninja."
"Liar."
"Excuse me?!"
"L-i-a-r. Ninjas are grown-ups, you are a child."
"I am eleven. And I AM a ninja."
"I am eight. And no ninja."
"How would you know only grown-ups can be ninjas," the boy decided to humour her earlier statement.
"Because ninjas fight and kill and swing swords and other stuff around. At least in the cartoons they do. And children don't kill."
Again, Kakashi was at a loss of words. Was this girl stupidly retarded or living under a rock to be this innocent? Hadn't she seen the fighting and death of their generation?
Wait, this was a dream and she was only a figment of his mind. Who knew Kakashi could imagine a kid with a pure childhood, he asked himself bitterly.
"You… have you ever seen a ninja?"
"Only in movies."
"You mean you never saw a real ninja? Ever? Or a dead body?"
"No? Why would I? Kakashi, you are becoming creepy."
The girl seemed a bit more uncomfortable again and Kakashi quickly backpedalled. He had disturbed this small imaginative figment enough already.
"I didn't mean to, sorry." She just nodded and went back plucking grass. Kakashi didn't know what to do. Talk? No, he was bad at that. Agree to her request to play together? He was worse at that and he was a Chunin. Chunin don't play, they fight.
The only thing coming to Kakashi's mind was sitting down next to Venna as he started plucking grass, too. The thin, green blades were disposed onto the girl's growing pile until both were encircled by a large spot of naked dirt and a small mountain of grass.
"How did you disappear last night? I checked the bushes, but you just vanished. Was that a jutsu?"
"A jut-su?"
"Yes, a jutsu. Please, tell me you know what a jutsu is."
"Should I?" Kakashi let out a groan and let himself fall on his back.
"You are so clueless it should hurt… So, how did you disappear?"
"Why disappear? I woke up. If you wake up from a dream, it just ends."
"Mhm." Kakashi felt stupid. Of course, you should disappear from a dream when you wake up. But why would his mind make up Venna who thought she woke up like everyone else and didn't know what the world outside was like?
Some people at the mission office once talked about multiple personalities when someone couldn't deal with stress. Was this the case? Was Kakashi not able to cope with the stress and he was talking to another personality of his? One without the knowledge of their world, the brutality, the killing, the loss of her parents, one with a childhood.
Huh, it could be…
Kakashi spent the rest of his dream just watching the girl play around with sticks, follow some bug on the ground, and talk about her love for swimming in the small lake near their home.
.
Against Kakashi's expectations, Venna would be there every night, pulling grass or following the bugs and butterflies. She would tell him about her life, her school and her friend. Some days she talked and talked and talked with no stop in sight and on other days she'd ask him every question possible.
Venna would spout nonsense about machines that rolled on four wheels and gave you the possibility to travel fast. Or the metal birds called planes to fly to another country for vacation. Or she would tell Kakashi fairy tales he never heard before no matter how much he denied the wish to listen to them.
After half a year Kakashi started to share some parts and pieces too. That he was an orphan, or a ninja since the age of five, which Venna protested about. He was just a child and should play with her for all the time he couldn't. Kakashi sometimes caught himself complaining about Obito and the girl would just laugh at his stories and tell him to not be such a stick in the mud.
And Kakashi would start to explain the real world to Venna. Should his second personality one day take over his body at day, she should know what to expect.
More often than not was Kakashi tempted to tell Minato-sensei about the roommate in his mind, but every time he thought he could say those words, Kakashi would back down again.
Would a doctor look into Kakashi's mind? Would they call him insane and have him stop being a ninja? Would they meet Venna? Could they scare her out of existence?
She was the epitome of pure childishness Kakashi never had. So, he decided to keep her his secret. Just a little longer.
.
Venna was starting school as a third grader today. Nearly a big girl in her primary school. Last night she was so very nervous, she only slept for about two hours.
Kakashi was there, of course. He just came back from one of his 'missions' and would take the Jonin Exam in a couple of weeks. This was something like a promotion, he had explained that last month.
The girl liked it when her friend talked about his day and what Obito would do or say. Kakashi did not think those things were funny, but Venna could always laugh at the boy's or even Gai's antics.
The only thing Venna never liked was when Kakashi started to talk about his home and his work. He said, he was a ninja and he killed his enemies. Venna did not like that at all.
He would sometimes talk about the ninja academy and how he only went to school for a year before becoming a ninja. When Venna told Kakashi that one year of school was not enough of education, he had laughed and said to be known as a genius.
She then asked him a few math questions from the end of the fourth grade they heard about the day before and Kakashi knew the answers before Venna even make one up herself.
Kakashi really was a genius. That was why he could easily explain the maths homework to her even if he hadn't seen the sheet.
Tonight, Venna had talked very much about being in third grade now and how much more difficult her homework was going to be. Kakashi just shrugged his shoulders. Of course, he would, he was a genius.
Kakashi had tried to calm her down, because she needed sleep for the school day, but she was just too antsy.
With the promise to tell him everything about her day, Venna hadn't managed to sleep any longer and checked her backpack twenty times and looked over the blue sundress her Mama allowed her to pick out. Then Papa came into her room, grabbed Venna and put her into her parents' bed to at least lay still and not cause such a ruckus.
.
The next night Kakashi was surprised to not see Venna when he appeared on the clearing. She never arrived after him. Well, yesterday maybe, but she was too… exhilarated by the tale she had made herself believe. Something about starting another school year.
Or did Kakashi make that up, since Venna was a part of him? Would he have preferred going to the academy a bit longer?
When Venna finally appeared, Kakashi was on high alert. The girl was crying. Why was she crying? He had a good day with a productive training session and a completed mission. There should be no trigger to his subconscious mind to make the girl cry.
He noticed the blue dress she was wearing. Usually she always wore the same red shirt with 'denim' overalls.
She told him about the dress, right? She picked it out just for her first day back at school.
Kakashi was about to call out to the girl, but she already came running and threw herself at the pre-teen. Her arms were still too short to reach around his ninja attire completely, so Venna grabbed at Kakashi's vest like to a lifeline.
Completely overwhelmed by the physical contact, Kakashi's hands hovered over the smaller body and his eyes searched for and sign of wounds or blood.
Loud sobs were muffled by the green vest and Kakashi finally decided to let his hands rest on trembling shoulders.
After a minute, the sobs formed a pattern and the girl could breath normally again.
"I- I-," A sob. "Some children were mean today." Kakashi raised an eyebrow. The girl was crying just because someone wasn't nice to her? Dear god, she really was a child.
"Th-Tha-They said, y-you are not real. You are just an im-m-m-maginary friend." Another big sob.
"And what did you do?" Kakashi asked in a calm voice, praying to whatever god could hear him to make the crying stop. Why would his own mind do this to him?
Just because he beat Obito once again and the Uchiha said he was stuck-up on his rules and even the sight of the back of his head could make babies cry?
"I said they were lying!" A wailing sound erupted from the girl and Kakashi's body tensed up.
"Hey, calm down. Crying doesn't help either of us, and they were just saying I am not real. Nothing to be sad about."
When Kakashi had learned one thing in a year with those strange dreams, it was how to talk with Venna. Not that it was particularly hard, since the girl loved talking. Just the right word or hint and she was occupied for at least ten minutes.
Somehow, she was similar to Gai in that point, just without the youthfulness and green jumpsuit. Or the bowl-cut. Kakashi will never allow his mind to change Venna into another Gai!
"But they made fun of us! And – and- said I was crazy and a little child to still talk to imaginary friends. And then-then their friends started saying mean stuff, too. And at lunch break my classmates said the same things. And nobody wanted to play with me."
Oh, Venna was socially shunned by her peers? Well, this certainly was something Kakashi's mind was capable of imagining.
"I am sorry to hear this," Kakashi said the practiced sentence and Venna was satisfied with his reply. Thankfully, the girl did not need too much affection to be happy around him.
How she even could be happy and entertained spending her time with him was a miracle. Well, she was a part of his mind, of course, she would be satisfied with the little he was able to give.
The whole night the girl was awfully clingy, whiny, and needy of confirmation that Kakashi would not just go away because some random fragment of his other personality was rude to her.
.
Venna had told her Mama and Papa about the mean kids after the second day. Kakashi had said he wouldn't go away, but could Venna really be sure of that? What of the taunting drove him away?
Peter and Eliza Meschnik were not amused when they heard about the behaviour of their daughter's classmates.
Sure, they had started to worry when Venna started telling them about the masked boy who was a ninja and could run up trees, use a 'jutsu' to breath fire or shoot lightning into a blade before slicing his opponent up with it.
The psychologist Venna had to talk to suspected her subconscious mind to create a strong person around her age who used the lightning as his own tool, fully in control of it. He was powerful, nobody was a match for him and not even lightning could wear him down.
The exact opposite to her fear and what happened to the girl herself. A mind trick to cope with the accident, so to say.
The Meschnik couple decided to let their daughter believe in her unbeatable friend, but now she was being bullied for it.
A talk with the classroom teacher only helped so much and Venna's mood got worse. The next morning she'd argue about going to school and at night she cried in her sleep.
And then, one morning, it stopped. She woke up as her usual, cheerful self and ignored the other children.
The second day this happened, Eliza sat her daughter down for a talk.
"I noticed you are more… cheerful again and your teacher called to tell me you just ignore your classmates now. How did that happen, sweetheart?"
Her child tilted her head and frowned.
"Because Kakashi told me not to cry." Eliza felt her mouth open in silence. A knot was building in her stomach.
"O-oh, Kakashi did? What did he tell you exactly?"
"That nobody will help me just because I cry all day. And to ignore replaceable people who only feel strong in groups. And something about being the same even when people say things about you?"
"You mean to not change yourself just because of other opinions?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. That's very… wise of Kakashi, don't you think?"
"Of course, Mama. He is a genius! And today he had a big test to become Jonin. Kakashi said this means elite. And when Kakashi is elite and a high rank ninja, I cannot cry about mean things children say. As one of Kakashi's friends I have to be strong, too!"
Eliza nodded a few times as if she knew what her daughter was talking about again.
"Just to humour me, sweety, what is the difference between a… Chunin, was it? And a Jonin?"
"A Jonin is the promotion a Chunin can reach, a higher rank! You pick the more difficult and dangerous missions. They are more important, too and Kakashi says they pay you better. And he will be the leader of his own team when his teacher as to be somewhere else."
"Ah… yes, what a silly thing to ask."
"Indeed, Mama. That's basic knowledge. I have to draw a card for Kakashi now before I go to sleep so I can give him his gift. I don't know if he passed, but Kakashi is a great ninja and a genius so he should be a Jonin now."
With that Venna went to her room and began crafting a hideous thing she called a card. The girl was not good at crafting, but at least her drawing abilities were better.
Eliza wouldn't voice it out yet, but she slowly started to worry about her daughter's mental development.
She was so occupied with the world her imagination had created one year ago, that she lost all her friends at school. Venna's grades were good average, but sometimes she was just too childish.
She still looked at the world with innocent eyes while talking about Kakashi's killing count and the childish certainty she showed when talking about the complicated system of the ninja world with the different missions and ranks and positions and departments and weapons and everything.
With all her logic and understanding going into her fantasy, her own development seemed to have stopped since last year.
When Peter came back from work and Venna was in bed, Eliza had another talk with her husband about her worries. They had mentioned the topic of their daughter's childishness a couple of times by now and the possibility of a long-term effect of the lightning became more and more possible.
.
When Kakashi came to the clearing, Venna was already playing with who knew what. The girl was nine and still as childish as she was the first day they met. Kakashi didn't know how a normal child without knowledge of war would develop, but he judged Venna to be very childish. Not that he'd complain about it. He imagined her this way after all.
Stepping on a small twig to give his presence away, Kakashi saw the more than poor attempt from the girl to hide something behind her back. Raising an eyebrow, he went over to the girl with a suspiciously wide grin on her face.
"Did you pass?" Venna bounced up and down on the spot in anticipation. Kakashi felt the corners of lips rise for a moment.
"I did."
"YES!" The girl threw her arms in the air and cheered for Kakashi, well, for herself, since she was a part of him.
"I made you something!"
The unknown object was pressed under Kakashi's nose and he slowly took it. It was a card, clearly made by children's hands with a skew bend and crayon drawings all over it.
On the front Venna had written 'Congrat j ulations' and crooked versions of the Konoha leaf were draws all around it.
When Kakashi opened the card, something fell out of it and his fast reflexes allowed Kakashi to catch the small item.
It was a braided bracelet of blue and grey strings and the ends were knotted around two wooden pearls.
"You told me about your custom to give presents, but I don't have any money, just my crafting kit and colours." Venna explained and Kakashi gave another look into the card.
The inside was a full-side picture of himself and Venna, holding hands and smiling at the real Kakashi. The drawing-Kakashi and the girl on his hand both wore the forehead protector and the newly announced Jonin could only guess his image holding some type of weapon in his other hand. A kunai? Senbon? Sword?
In the upper corner was a sun with a smiling face.
Glancing over the edge of the card, Kakashi could see the awaiting face of the nine-year-old. She could challenge the sun with her bright smile at the moment, and Kakashi gave her the nicest eye-smile he could manage. When he got a big, proud smile from Minato-sensei, Kakashi was very happy. Hopefully, this did the trick with Venna.
It did.
The girl was happy and humming random tunes without any sense for tone, tact or pitch and busied herself with whatever came to her mind.
This was something Kakashi had to admit being impressed with. His mind managed to create an individual with so much more fantasy than he could ever think of. How exactly this was working, he had no idea, but seeing Venna make up an activity or game from the spot had a calming effect.
Kakashi had told this part of himself about the world outside to prepare her. He mentioned his own father's death, the killing and violence, how important rules were to live by and all Venna did was say she'd share her father with him and tell Kakashi how stupid some of the ninja rules were.
She had not lost any of the pureness in her.
Was this something Kakashi was wishing for secretly? Why else would he imagine Venna in such a way?
When their time was coming to an end once again, Kakashi reminded the girl about his upcoming mission to destroy Kannabi Bridge in hope to end the Third Shinobi World War. He did not hesitate to tell her about the victims of war or how often he had to kill nowadays.
In Kakashi's mind, he had to prepare her and make her understand everything she might face one day.
With the card in his hand and bracelet around his wrist, Kakashi woke up. The real surprise was the fact that both objects were physically there.
How was this possible? Did Kakashi sleepwalk and craft both things in his sleep just the way he'd imagine Venna to do it? But there were no traces of paper or glue or crayons. Kakashi didn't own those things.
He decided to get ready for the mission and after his whole team finally was present, he got his presents from them. Well, Obito said he forgot. Not that he'd accept anything from the idiot.
"Oh, Kakashi-kun. Where did you get that? I never saw you wear it before." Rin pointed at his wrist. Right, Kakashi hadn't taken off the bracelet yet.
"It was in a self-crafted card and is a present for becoming Jonin. The card is as crooked as Gai's fashion sense and you should see the drawings." Too used to answer all of Venna's thousands of questions, he accidentally told more than he wanted, earning three surprised pairs of eyes.
"Self-crafted?" Minato asked.
"Drawings?" Obito parroted, too.
"From whom?" Rin tried to get more information.
Kakashi quickly wiped every expression from his face and reminded his team about the mission.
.
Venna was sitting in front of a strange woman who asked questions, let Venna do some tasks and games and some other things. And she asked about Kakashi. Just like the man last year. Venna liked that part.
Eliza was sitting in a corner and was asked to not interfere any way.
As Venna said, the questions about Kakashi were the last part she had to do and she was getting a bit tired.
Could she see Kakashi if she took a short nap? No, he was on his mission. This meant little sleep for him.
"Thank you for telling me so much about your friend, Venna. He sounds very mature for being a twelve-year-old and he has so many responsibilities. It must be hard for him."
"It is. He never tells me everything, but Kakashi is very stressed. He says killing people gets easier but it is horrible every time… I don't like it when he talks about that."
The woman nodded and made new notes.
"I understand. This is nothing you should hear at your age."
"But Kakashi says most children my age have to fight in the war and kill people. Being childish gets you killed."
Stunned silence filled the room and Venna noticed once again how much Kakashi's world view clashed with the one she was living in.
"… And what about you, Venna? Your parents, teachers and neighbours all say you are still very much a child. If you compare that to the things Kakashi says, what do you think?"
The girl bit her lower lip and frowned. She knew what she was thinking. Of course, she did. They were her own thoughts, but somewhere Venna feared Kakashi could hear it and be disappointed in her.
"I… I don't like how children have to fight. And I would like to stay a child for as long as possible."
"And why is that?"
"If I can be a child for a bit longer, I don't have to see how bad the world is. Because the moment you lose your childhood, you can't close your eyes anymore."
"… is that what Kakashi told you?"
"No. He already tells me how bad his world is. I thought of it by myself."
"Oh, okay. Can you tell me, with all the things Kakashi is telling you, does he want you to grow up?"
Venna took another moment to really think about the question.
Did Kakashi do that? He never tried to make his world sound better than it was. And he told her what to expect the moment she left her childhood behind.
"No. Kakashi never asked that of me. He had no childhood. And he told me how he wonders about it when we talk and sometimes play together. Well, I play and Kakashi just keeps an eye out for me. I often trip over the roots. But I don't think Kakashi would want me to grow up as fast as he did."
.
In the evening Peter sat himself down with his wife. He had hoped to get the day off and be at the doctor's appointment with his two lovely ladies, but it was not possible.
"That woman really said Venna should get psychotherapy? Why?" Eliza let out a long overdue sigh.
"Because Venna somehow imagines horrible and brutal things. One year ago, we just accepted Kakashi as her own coping mechanism against her fear of lightning, but this is getting too far. You should have heard her talking about all the- the- the killing and how children are treated. Venna talked about child soldiers at the age of five. How on earth did she get the idea of child soldiers?!"
Peter had to admit to seeing the point his wife made.
"Did she see this on the news maybe? There were some reports about war in Africa, I think."
"Venna doesn't even watch TV anymore. She is too busy thinking about Kakashi and his new rank as an elite ninja to even meet children her age. Could a lightning bolt really do such a thing to our child?"
Venna never eavesdropped, because her Mama said it was not polite. Kakashi said it was useful to get the information you need.
Tonight, Venna listened into the conversation of her parents and then went to bed to cry.
She was all alone in the woods for the rest of the week.
.
After Kakashi came back to the clearing, he was different. Not only was half his face covered in gauze, Kakashi's visible eye was so sad and hurt, Venna cried in his arm for the two of them.
He did not talk for many hours in the first night. When the girl noticed she had to wake up soon, her friend told her that Obito died on their mission and it was Kakashi's fault.
The second night, he did not say one word and would stare into the nothingness. Venna tried to be pleasant company and just sit by her friend's side. Kakashi didn't seem to notice her at all.
The next few nights were similar until Venna tripped over one of the roots again. It had to be a week now.
Yelping in surprise, the girl landed on her knees this time and the thin streams of blood made their way down her legs.
Venna tried her best to stop the sobs, but a few escaped her throat and suddenly Kakashi was there. He carefully cleaned the scraped knees and even used a handkerchief to dry her tears.
Kakashi still didn't say a word, but he was seeing Venna again. Instead of doing her usual spiel, she sat herself directly next to Kakashi against the base of a tree and leaned against his side. Her friend did not pull away, but he also did not encourage anything.
For now, this was enough.
.
Two weeks after Kakashi came back from their mission, he talked to the girl again. He was not as relaxed while talking as he was before, but he said a few words here and there.
The Jonin felt something clench painfully whenever the girl would lean on him and just be there. Why would she want to be next to him, when he had told her he'd caused his own teammate's death? Why would she always seek his side to lead on to? Was this another game of his own twisted mind? Or was this some secret wish from his subconscious?
"Mama and Papa want me to talk to another of those mind doctors again. They don't seem to like me talking about us anymore."
Venna's voice ripped Kakashi out of his thoughts. He nearly slipped back to replaying the last moment he saw Obito in his head.
"Because of the things I tell you?"
"…yes. I sometimes eavesdrop on Mama and Papa talking and they talk about us all the time. Well, about me, mostly. And my accident."
It took Kakashi a moment to focus his mind on staying here to listen to the girl.
"The accident?"
"When I was struck by lightning. They think the lightning bolt changed something in my brain and now they want me to stop talking to you."
Kakashi flinched at the last sentence.
"Why are you talking to me then?" Venna looked up at him with an expression, asking if he was stupid.
"Because I want to?! Why else would I?"
Kakashi shrugged his shoulders. He had no idea why she even started talking to him in the first place.
"How is school?"
"Nah, fine. I tried ignoring everyone and at first it worked, but then some of them became even meaner. The bigger ones. And they would push me whenever no teacher was around." Kakashi frowned and gave the girl a short glance. She looked fine enough.
"Did they stop?"
"Yeah," Venna nodded. "I just had to punch one of them in the face. My hand really hurt after that, though."
This was the first time, Kakashi did something close to grin. Imagining the small girl bury her fist in another kid's face and then cradle her hand like she did when… No!
Kakashi quickly pushed the memory of their first meeting away. When he had hurt her so much.
"But my hand healed quicker than that boy's nose, so it was fine." The girl said with a satisfied expression.
"Weren't you the one who told me good children don't hurt others?"
"Well, yeah. But they wouldn't stop and Papa once said self-defence was allowed. So I did that. They leave me alone now."
"That's good to hear."
.
To make a long story short, the appointments for psychotherapy were a waste of money and time. It took Venna six sessions to make the man on the couch finally admit she did not want his help to stop seeing Kakashi. And nobody could make her.
Her parents were not as happy as Venna was, but they could not force the strange ninja out of her head.
This process took months, including the time between doctor's appointments.
.
Kakashi still was very reserved, but he slowly came around and held conversations again.
Well, until the mission where Rin was kidnapped and then Kakashi's Chidori went through her chest.
He felt broken. He was broken. He broke others.
Kakashi kept more and more distance between his colleagues and friends, drowning himself in missions as a new member of ANBU.
The only times when he allowed some closeness were his usual meeting with Venna. The girl was always there without fail, sometimes even mentioning the nights he did not get any sleep. She would always wait for him.
The nightmares became more frequent and would rip Kakashi out of the woods where Venna made it her newest hobby to just lean on him. She would complain about a bump on her head from the sudden fall or how they were just talking about something, but she never really expected an apology.
Waking up from a sudden nightmare in which he killed Rin again and again was bad enough, so Kakashi was thankful, his second personality just accepted the current situation.
.
When Venna was about to end fourth grade, she was known as the weirdo in her school with no friends but the one in her head.
There was no teasing, one punch to the face luckily was enough to stop it completely, but the days filled with loneliness were hard on the girl.
As much as Venna looked forward to seeing Kakashi, she always had to go through her day at first. On good night he would be with her for a couple of hours, before his early shift started. On bad nights, he would be gone, fighting a nightmare. On the worst ones, he would not show up at all.
Venna started picking up swimming again. The paranoia to get hit by lightning in the lake always made her hesitate, but the idea to tell Kakashi about her accomplishment was like the engine moving her forward.
.
The next two years were peaceful enough.
Venna had no problems at her new school but she also kept Kakashi to herself. The girl was nearly twelve years old now, still had no friends, but no one ridiculed her either.
Kakashi was talking with her, but she'd noticed a change in his personality after he started his Anbu career.
Her friend became more distant. He did the same quite some time ago with his friends and former classmates. He had told Venna about this and the girl felt honoured to know he still allowed himself the contact to her.
Well, not that either of them could go without sleep forever or Venna would let Kakashi just sit in one corner and ignore her until the night was over.
When Kakashi mentioned his old sensei assign Kakashi to protect his wife, Venna was happy for her friend. The couple was good for Kakashi and he really needed to see something else than death and violence. And maybe the glimpses on an ordinary life could help him heal.
Once Kakashi admitted visiting his friends at the grave and memorial stone and tell them about his day and sometimes even about Venna. Something, he never did before. Kakashi left most details out but the ones where he told Obito the girl in his dreams thought him to be funny and Rin about the clumsiness Venna possessed.
Rin was a medic nin and Kakashi was sure she'd have ripped Venna a second one if she would have dared to go to Rin with all the small injuries she collected.
.
Things seemed to finally get better for the dream team, a very poor name Venna decided to use.
Then the Kyuubi attack happened and every living person Kakashi had still allowed into his life were dead. Except for Gai, but he was forcing his own way into Kakashi's life.
Venna called the following time the Dark Period and somewhere in between one name appeared. Danzo.
Kakashi became more and more silent and sometimes just coexisted next to Venna, while she tried to talk to him all he allowed her to do in his depressed state was sit next to and lead on him, but the girl was not sure if he even noticed her.
The time Kakashi used to sleep became shorter, he recognised Venna's presence even less and got absorbed in his missions and whatever Danzo put into his mind.
Sometimes Kakashi would mumble incoherent words, sometimes sentences and once or twice even whole stories about his missions or whatever actually happened in Kakashi's life. Which was less than in Venna's.
Danzo clearly was feeding of Kakashi's grief and self-directed guilt, filling his mind with the idea the Third caused Minato's death.
Venna was finally able to pick those parts together out of the little pieces Kakashi unintentionally shared with her.
.
Today was one of the better days, meaning Venna's presence was noted, but this was more than enough she would need to start talking.
"I seriously think, you need to get out of Root, Kakashi."
"What?"
"Get out of that creepy club and get a life. Danzo does everything, but he surely as hell is not helping you in any way." Kakashi shot Venna warning look, but the young teen was too angered to care.
"You don't know what you are talking abo-"
"I have a pretty good guess what I am talking about. Danzo wants you guys to kill the old man and get that stupid hat for himself. You know what you would have called that some time ago? Treason. And Danzo is a big, fat traitor."
"He is not a trai-"
"The sun could personally shine out of his ass and I wouldn't care, Kakashi. That man is a bastard and I will no longer watch you throw your life away for scum."
"When did you become such an insolent girl?"
"Oh, maybe in the time you didn't even acknowledge my presence here for months? When you ignored me night after night? Or maybe when you wouldn't even allow me near you? Pick one."
Kakashi stilled for a moment, but his glare only darkened.
"You will not talk bad about Danzo-sama again. You hear me?!"
"Or what? You are going to wake up?" Venna shot back and by now both teens were standing, Kakashi glaring down while Venna tried to ignore the height difference and held her head high against her friend.
"Or I am going to make sure you never so much as dare to think bad about him again." Venna poked Kakashi against his chest and hoped her fingernail had hurt him at least a little bit.
"My parents tried to make me forget about you since the moment you filled my head with all of your little horror stories. You think you just forbid me to think that Danzo is a traitorous, sly, plotting son of a-"
Before Venna could finish her sentence, Kakashi had pinned her against a tree. Its bark dug itself into Venna's skin and the cold metal pressing against her throat was sharper than anything Venna ever touched.
The shocked face stared up at Kakashi who was hunched over, every emotion gone from his visible eye. Venna's rapid breathing stroked against his exposed skin and he could smell her fear. She was completely defenceless, has it always been around him.
To show his point, the teen pressed the kunai hard enough against her throat to draw blood, nothing harmful.
"Never again." Kakashi's voice sounded foreign to himself. He never used this voice around her, never planned to.
This was the voice of the friend-killer, the Anbu captain and Root member. None of those should ever be around Venna, the last part of himself not taunted by his own hands.
But the fear and betrayal in the girl's face confirmed just that.
Kakashi pulled the weapon from her and brought some distance between them as soon as possible. He did not want to do that. Damn it. How could he?
He risked another glance at Venna, but she still stood there against the tree with blood drying on her throat.
Then she was gone.
.
Venna woke up in her bed, hands shooting up, trying to find traces of blood, of skin broken by tree bark. There was nothing. Nothing but the memory of the emotionless mask and cold voice. The girl curled herself up and cried into her pillow.
.
Never before had Venna expected a normal person like herself to function with so little sleep.
Since Kakashi had made his point clear, the teen was awake all night long, only sleeping after school and one hour directly after dinner, coming to three hours of sleep a day.
For three weeks, Venna was able to hold this up, but one night she accidentally dropped a mug full of coffee and her parents saw her standing in her pyjamas at two am with a disaster of mug and coffee on the floor.
"Sweetheart, go to bed. I'll clean up." Eliza surprised her daughter with this sentence and after they all made sure Venna had no fragment of porcelain in her feet, she was sent to bed. On her way the teen could hear her papa say: "Seems like we now know why she complains about being tired all the time."
Venna laid in her bed until her alarm clock told her to get up again. She hadn't dared to close one eye and by now she really started to feel sick.
The dizziness wouldn't leave after standing up, food wouldn't stay in her system and the headaches were becoming worse.
Dragging herself to the table, Venna stared down at her breakfast and hoped it would just run away. Or stay and Venna disappeared. Into a deep sleep, a coma. Without any dream at all.
A hand on her shoulder pulled the girl out of her thought and Venna looked into the worried face of her father.
"We called you school and said you are too sick to come back until Monday. Go and get some sleep, sweety." Peter's eyes followed his daughter's frame when she tumbled her way back to bed.
"We have to do something. I can't wait any longer and watch my own daughter turn into… more of that." Eliza said with a strained voice while letting out her frustration on the dished with a sponge.
"I called Dr. Zacharias for an appointment. You remember him?" Peter gave the dishes a pitying look.
"He was the doctor Venna talked to about Kakashi when he first appeared, right?"
"Exactly. Venna was comfortable enough with him and this time we don't send her to forget Kakashi. Maybe this finally helps her." He gave Eliza a kiss and then had to go to work.
Eliza had managed to start an hour later today and took the time she had left to sit at the dining table and just rest her head on her arms.
The woman had no clue what to do to help her daughter. They went to different doctors, everyone diagnosing something else. The most plausible one had been another personality that only came out when Venna was asleep.
It could never explain everything the girl said, but it was better than the big words the other ones threw at them.
And now her daughter refused to sleep. Eliza had no idea what happened, but if it was bad enough for Venna to avoid sleeping as much as possible, she really needed some help. Not that Venna would tell them about Kakashi anymore since the last try with psychotherapy.
And even if Dr. Zacharias gave her globules after the appointment, Eliza would take every suggestion so that her daughter just slept again.
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